Husband Wife Sms

A man got a call  from unknown number

A man got a call  from unknown number..
Girl:"Hi, r u single.. ??
Man:"Yes, but who r u.. ??
Ans:"Your wife..
Aaj ghar aana tab bataoogi..

Another call from unknown number..
Girl:"R u married.. ??
Man:"Yes, but who R u.. ??
Girl:"Your girlfriend, U cheat..
Man:"Sorry baby, I thought it was my wife..
Ans:"Wife hi hoon kutte, aaj tu bas ghar aaja.

A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for there anniversary

A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for there anniversary
and then his wife didn’t speak to him for 6 months.
Was the neclace fake?
No. that was deal..!! :’D 

A man was walking in rain

A man was walking in rain
A sweet lady: Why don’t u share my umbrella ?

Man: no sister its fine (And he walked away)
Moral: Moral voral kuch nahi Piche biwi aa rahi thi 

Jailer: Faasi se pehle kisse miloge?

 

Jailer: Faasi se pehle kisse miloge?
Santa: Biwi Se
Jailer: Maa-Baap se nahi
Santa: Maa-Baap to agla jnm lete hi mil jyenge
biwi ke liye sala phir 25 saal wait karna padega!!

What is the best example of once in a lifetime opportunity?

What is the best example of ‘once in a lifetime’ opportunity?
A Mosquito lands on your wife’s face,
& u get the rarest opportunity of your life..
Never miss it!! 

Husband: can u be the moon of my life?

Husband: can u be the moon of my life?
Wife: Awww Yes sweetheart..!
.
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Husband: Great! then….
Stay 9,955,887.6 kms away from Me..!! 

Position of a husband is just like a Split AC        

Position of a husband is just like a Split AC…
No matter how loud he is outdoor,

He is designed to remain silent indoor!

Kahte hain, Shaadi ki gaantth to aasman mein hi bandh jati hai

Kahte hain..
Shaadi ki gaantth to aasman mein hi bandh jati hai..
Insan to sirf petikot salwar bra ki
gaantthe kholne ke liye hi zamin par bheja jaata hai.

Man: is there any medicine for long life?

Man: is there any medicine for long life?
Doctor: get married
man: will it help?
Doc: no, but it will avoid such thoughts.

Wife bathroom se naha ke nikli

Wife bathroom se naha ke nikli to Santa use ghur raha tha!
Wife romantic hokar:
Kuch karne ka irada hai kya?
Santa 2 thappad maar ke bola:
Mere garm pani se kyu nahayi

Santa ke lips jale hue the

Santa ke lips jale hue the
Banta: Kaise jale
Santa: Wife ko railway steation drop krne gaya tha.
Banta: To?
Santa: Khushi ke mare.
Train ke engine ko choom liya

Apne suna hoga Maa-Baap ke karmo ka Fal Beto ko milta hai

Apne suna hoga Maa-Baap ke karmo ka Fal Beto ko milta hai,
Lekin kabhi-kabhi Maa-Baap ke karmo ka Fal,

Unke DAMADON ko bhi Bhugatana padta hai

Agar aadhi raat ko aapka dil kare aur biwi ka mood na ho

Agar aadhi raat ko aapka dil kare aur biwi ka mood na ho
To
Biwi ko tang na kare
.
.
Khud uthkar apne hath se
.
.
.
Pani pee lein!!
Ek bar fir aapki soch ko salaam

Ek aurat saheli se

Ek aurat saheli se: Mujhe bachcha nahi ho raha!
Saheli: Tumhara pati namard hoga..?
Aurat: Mera Pati kya,
mujhe to tumhara pati bhi namard hi lagta hai

Im not feeling well

m not feeling well..
Husband: Ohhoo I was thinking to go for a dinner!!
Wife: I was joking dear..
Husband: Me too,
Chal uth rotti bana shabas

Pati ke marne ke bad patni ne akhbaar mein add diya

Pati ke marne ke bad patni ne akhbaar mein add diya..
Antim sanskar mein jo bhi aaye uske liye dhanyavad.
from:
Kajal,
Age 26
Gora rang,
36 24 36,
Bachche nahi hai

Is there any medicine for long life?

A man to doctor:
Is there any medicine for long life..?
Doctor: Get married..!!
Man: Will it help ?
Doctor: No, but it will avoid such thoughts

Na kajre ki dhar, na motiyo ki haar, na koi kiya singar, fir bi itni sundr ho

Husband to wife,
na kajre ki dhar,
na motiyo ki haar,
na koi kiya singar,
fir bi itni sundr ho..
Wife: Saaf-saaf bolo
make up ke liye paise nahi dunga.

Wife: Tumhe pyar karna nahi aata

Wife: Tumhe pyar karna nahi aata
Husband: To kya ye bacche internet se Download kiye hai?
Wife: Nahi ye to tumahare dost ke PEN DRIVE se liye hai

What is similarity between Sun and Wife?

What is similarity between
SUN & WIFE..?
.
.
Very Simple..
Aap dono ki taraf ghoor kar nahi dekh sakte

Admi ka gala kharab tha woh raat 3 baje Dr. ke ghar gaya

1 admi ka gala kharab tha woh raat 3 baje Dr. ke ghar gaya.
Dard ke waja se bahut ahista se pucha Dr. hain?
Uski biwi usse bhi aahista se boli
Nahi hai aajao

Koi aisi baat kaho, ki main khush bhi ho jaau aur naraz bhi ho jaau

Wife: Aaj koi aisi baat kaho,
ki main khush bhi ho jaau aur naraz bhi ho jaau
.
.
.
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Husband: Tum meri zindgi ho,
aur Lanat hai aisi zindgi par.

Wife: I am Pregnant

Wife: I am Pregnant.
Santa: Par main to england me tha
Wife: Aapki photo thi na
Santa: Ullu mat bana kamini photo to kamar tak hi thi

Wife on Mobile: kaha ho aap?

Wife on Mobile: kaha ho aap?
Pati: Tumhe wo jwellry shop yaad hai jaha tumhe 1 diamond ka set bahut pasand aya tha,
par mere pas paise nahi they.
aur maine wada kiya tha 1 din dilwaunga.
Wife: Khush hote huye.. Ha ha mjhe sab yaad hai.
Pati: Ha to usi shop ke baju wali shop pe baal katwa raha hu

Pappu Papa se Bola

Pappu Papa se Bola:
Papa shadi ke liye kitne paise chukane padte hai?
Papa: Pata nahi.
main to abhi tak chuka raha hu

Teri biwi mere kabze mein hai

Kidnapper phone par:
Teri biwi mere kabze mein hai.
saboot ke taur par uski do ungliyan bhijwa di hain.
Santa: Sabut pakka nahi hai, mundi bhej mundi

Santa: Meri wife mujhe naukar samajhne lagi hai

Santa: Meri wife mujhe naukar samajhne lagi hai
batao main kya karun?
Banta: Karna kya hai,
2-4 ghar aur pakad aur apna dhandha jama le.

Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?

Teacher: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?

Student: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.

Let’s make a phone call

Couple agreed that whenever they want to have sex they will say-
“Let’s make a phone call”
1 day The man sent his son to tel mom while she was busy in kitchen.
Son: Mom, dad is asking u to cm so he can make a phone call.
Mom: Go tel im out of coverage area.
Dad: Go tel ur mom that if she cant cm i will make d cal elsewhere.
Mom: Go tel ur dad if he does that i will open a call center here

Wife to husband

Wife to husband: ek Sand saalme 300 bar sex karta hai.
Tum iska adha bhi nahi krte.
Pati: ye kaha likha hai ke..
wo 300 bar ek hi cow ke sath karta haI

Police: Sir your wife had an accident

Police: Sir ur wife had an accident,
plz come 2 identify body now.
Husband: Im busy now,
u take photo and tag me on FB
If its her, I will click Like

Wife: Ager main kho gayi to tum kya kroge?

Wife: Ager main kho gayi to tum kya kroge?
Santa: Nirmal Baba ke pas jaunga
Wife: kitne achche ho, kya kahoge?
Santa: Kahunga,

baba aap ki kripa aana shuru ho gayi

Pati aur Patni so rahe the

Gunehgaar kaun..??
PATI aur PATNI so rahe the.
Achaanak,
PATNI sapna dekh ke chillayi..
“bhago mera PATI aa gaya”PATI utha aur khidki se kud gaya

Ladies ko petrol pump ke bahar kyu utar diya jata hai?

Ladies ko petrol pump ke bahar kyu utar diya jata hai?
.
.
.
kyun ki
.
.
.
Petrol pump par likha hota haiAag lagane wali cheje bahar rakhe

Wife husband se aaj mere tann mann mein aag laga do

Wife husband se aaj mere tann mann mein aag laga do.
husband ne petrol daal kar fook di.
Moral: jazbaton ka izhar asaan lafzon mein kare

Wife: Mujhe kisi mehangi jaga le ke chaliye na ji 

Wife: Mujhe kisi mehangi jaga le ke chaliye na ji
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.
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Husband: Chalo, tayyar ho jao.
.
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.
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Petrol pump chaltay hain.

Ek saadi shuda aadmi ne apni kavita mein kaha hai.

Ek saadi shuda aadmi ne apni kavita mein kaha hai,
Maang bharne ki saza kuchh is kadar paa raha hai,
Ki maang puri karte karte maang ke kha raha hu

Wife langar ke parshad ke jaisi hoti hai

Whats Wife?
Wife langar ke parshad ke jaisi hoti hai,
Jis mein chahte huye bhi koi nukks nahi nikal sakte,
Shhradha aur majburi ke sath chup chaap khaye jao

Ek aadmi God se

Ek aadmi God se
Tune bachpana diya cheenliya,
jawani di cheenli,
paisa diya wapas le liya,
ab ye biwi di hai to de kar lena bhool gaya kya

Santa ki wife Tours & Travels magazine padhte huye

Santa ki wife Tours & Travels magazine padhte huye:
Is baar 2nd honeymoon ke liye GREECE kaisa rahega?
Santa: Kyon?
TEL mein kya kharabi hai..!!

Wife: Dear, this computer is not working as per my command

Wife: Dear, this computer is not working as per my command.
Husband: Exactly darling!
its a computer, not a Husband..!!

Husband: Today is Sunday and I have to enjoy it

Husband: Today is Sunday and I have to enjoy it.
So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why 3?
Husband: 4u and your parents.

In those days parents wants there girl to get married to a good boy

In those days parents wants
there girl to get married to a good boy.

Now a days parents wants
there boy to get married to a good girl.

Biwi: Mere paas proof hai ki tumhaara chakkar padosan ke saath hai

Biwi: Mere paas proof hai ki tumhaara chakkar padosan ke saath hai.
Pati: Kya proof hai?
Biwi: Uska Pati kal raat tumhaari underwear pahan kar aaya tha.

Modern Style wedding

Modern Style wedding
Pujari: Do u Both Agree to Change Your Facebook Status to MARRIED?

Couple: Yes, we do
Pujari: Vivah sammpan

Shadi karne ke baad aur Mobile lene ke baad

SHADI karne ke baad aur MOBILElene ke baad
ek hi baat ka afsos hota hai..
Ki..

Kuch din aur ruk jate to accha MODEL Mil jata.

Aadmi apni Biwi ke saath Bar mein baitha tha 

Aadmi apni Biwi ke saath Bar mein baitha tha.
Waha se ek callgirl nikli aur boli:
kam paise doge to aisa hi maal milega.

Shaadi ke baad pati ne pucha

Shaadi ke baad pati ne pucha:
Tumhare shadi se pehle kitne boyfrnd the?
Wife ne 1 lifafa dia..
Jisme chawal ke kuch dane aur 200 Rs. the.

Pati: Ye kya?
Wife: Main jab bhi boyfriend banati thi to 1 chawl ka dana isme daal deti thi.
Pati (Dane gin ke): Bus 7?
Aur ye 200 Rs. Kyun?
Wife: 4 killo chawal bech diye the 

Agar tumhari shadi judwa behan mein se kisi 1 ke sath ho jaye

Talented Question:-
Agar tumhari shadi judwa behan mein se kisi 1 ke sath ho jaye to tum apni bv ko kaise pehchanoge?
Best Answer:
.
.

Main kyun Pehchanu?

A man who does not know English files for a divorce

A man who does not know English files for a divorce.
Judge ask what’s the reason
Man: me no come she no come baby come how come
Judge: may be side income

Husband: Agar operation ke dauran mujhe kuch ho jaye

Husband: Agar operation ke dauran mujhe kuch ho jaye,
to usi doctor se shadi kar lena.
Biwi: Aisa kyun keh rahe ho?
Husband: To kya doctor ko maaf kar du?

Nurse to patient

Nurse to patient with bleeding on head: Your name?
Patient: Pappu
Nurse: age?
Patient: 25 years
Nurse : Married?
Patient : No. No. Its Car accident

An unmarried man wrote his status on facebook

An unmarried man wrote his status on facebook as:
“Wanted wife”
2 girls liked it.

And 10000 men commented
“Meri leja”

Patni: Kyu ji, roz subah mere chehre pe pani kyu dalte ho

Patni: Kyu ji, roz subah mere chehre pe pani kyu dalte ho.
Pati: Kyu ke, tere baap ne kaha tha..
meri beti phool ki tarah hai, ise murjhane mat dena!

Har kamyab admi ke pichhe 1 Aurat hoti hai

Har kamyab admi ke pichhe 1 Aurat hoti hai,
Jo use itna pareshan karti hai ki..
Wo dukhi hokar
Apne kam me itna busy ho jata hai ki..
Kamyabi khud uske kadam chumti hai.

Suhag raat

Suhag raat:
Builder: Tumhre Boobs Bunglow jaise hai,
Hoth Duplex jaise hai,
Figure Landscape Garden ki tarh hai
Wife Gusse Se: Ab Bhumi-Pujan bhi karoge ya mazdoor bulau!

Husband: Raja Dasrath ki 3 Raniya thi

Husband: Raja Dasrath ki 3 Raniya thi
Wife: To kya hua?
Husband: To main 2 Shadiya aur kar sakta hu
Wife: Dropdi ka naam suna hai?
Husband: Tu bhi na pagli DIL pe le leti hai.

Suhagrat ko Husband

Suhagrat ko Husband:
kuch karne ki Ejaazat hai..?

Dulhan shrmate hue: Hamne to kabhi gairo ko bhi manaa nahi kiya,
Ab aap to fir bhi apne hai..!!

Zindgi ki Shuruat ‘S’ Se hoti hai

Zindgi ki Shuruat ‘S’ Se hoti hai.
S- for Suraj,
S- Subah,
S- Sham,
S- Swagat,
S- Samay
Uske bad
S- Sagai
Phir Shadi Phir Sas,
Sasur,
Sali,
Sala
Phir Satyanas! 

Wife: Tum kitne mote ho gaye ho

Wife: Tum kitne mote ho gaye ho.
Husband: Tum bhi toh kitni moti ho gayi ho.
Wife: Par main toh maa banne wali hun.
Husband: Toh main bhi toh baap banne wala hun..

Biwi neend me zorse chillai

Biwi neend me zorse chillai: Jaldi utho,
mere PATI Aa gaye
SANTA utha,
khidki se kud gaya,
Tang tut gayi,
Fir khyal Aaya sala mein hi to uska pati hu!!